Why Men Hate Going to Church (Nelson Books, 2005)

Charlie the curate issued a call for help on the visuals rota, adding “Let’s make St Giles the best church in Northampton for visuals”. Hmm, I thought, that doesn’t sound very Christian – wasn’t there an element of, dare I say, competitiveness creeping in? Hmm, my husband thought, that sounds good to me, and he promptly signed up for doing something that made good use of his talents. David Murrow’s book, Why Men Hate Going to Church, identifies the reasons why men can be reticent, to put it mildly, about going to church and why, once they’re there, they often feel like a fish out of water. Within a few fast-turned pages of his book, I was cringing at my attitude in the (true) example above, as Murrow outlined the difference between women’s and men’s way of thinking about church.

According to Murrow’s research (within US churches, but still relevant here), churches promote ‘feminine’ Christian values – nurturing, sharing, supporting, relating, to name but a few – at the expense of ‘masculine’ Christian values such as competence, efficiency and achievement, asking which set of values most characterise those of Jesus and his followers. Challenged yet? Men are described as having to leave their masculinity at the door as they enter a building where they are encouraged to ‘turn to their neighbour and share’, sing love songs to Jesus in a key they can’t quite hit, and join a rota for, well, the kind of things women are just so good at doing and anyway I’d only be in their way.

Murrow’s book proved to be full of such challenges – challenges to the church, to women and to men. Thankfully, he gives practical ideas for addressing these issues, with examples from churches where men play an active part in the life of their church, where they are growing in faith and where they feel appreciated and valued.

If we’re interested in evangelism, if we’re interested in seeing all members of the church growing in faith – hang on, isn’t this a command, rather than an interest? – then I highly recommend this entertaining, practical and challenging book to men and women alike. Are we (wo)man enough to accept the challenge?

Available to buy (or order) on the bookstall.

Jayne Davies